Tag Archives: romance

Jul15

No expectations

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No expectations

I cannot love with restrictions nor expectations. I give you my love with wings and if you choose to fly my love, I will see you off with all the blessings in my heart, and if we may cross paths again I want to curl up in your arms and listen excitingly to all your adventures as the words dance off your tongue.

I cannot love with blinders nor restraints.  I give you my love with fluidity and grace so you may travel down the rivers and oceans and like the tides your heart will come back in to hear my song.  On those days that you need to be held and loved you will hear me whisper to you ever so softly on the gentlest breeze that will hold you in its rapture and remind you of my embrace.

I cannot love with hatred nor bitterness.  I give you my love in its entirety and you will feel it fill you in ways only you know yourself to be able to do. I give you my love because I know I will not be empty when you are full my love, I will be filled again by my own love for self.  I give you this love because I know you need the warm to fill you, the nourishment you need to continue, the security that love exists even from places you have turned your back on.

I cannot love with regrets nor uncertainty.  I give you my love so you may give it to another, I want to know that I was able to aide in the continuation of love that is needed in this cold, dark, chaotic world.  I give you my love because I can and I do not want anything in return.

You see my love, I love you more than words can express and I wish upon the stars that you will be able to love in this way too.

Sep30

Fabulously 40!

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HI!!

So turning 40 has been thus far the best birthday I have had in many years.  I have never been one to make a fuss over my birthday and I get embarrassed when people fuss over me.  This year I put an end to that, I embraced the love I received from friends that have become family.  I also realized that with this change of attitude towards my birthday when someone didn’t show up they were not meant to be there.  Life has a way of having the ones that need to be present to arrive with open arms and I received them with such gratitude & love.  It started with having a first date with the sweetest guy on my birthday eve and he made sure he was the first to wish me happy birthday in person, he is a great kisser.  I haven’t had someone just hold me in their arms and wish me happy birthday since I was married in my 20’s.  I hadn’t realized how much I had missed that 1st birthday kiss and hug.

When I reflected on that moment later that morning, I remembered how my ex-husband Luis would always wake me at midnight on my birthday and give me the biggest kiss and hold me in his arms until I feel asleep again.  He was a loving and tender man and dealt with my stubbornness like a champ.  He would always call me his PIA(pain in the ass) than laugh it off and say he wouldn’t have it any other way.  We started out life together young and grew up very quickly together, he was 18 and I was 19.  When our daughter was born I thought to myself, “how did we end up here so quickly” but I fell into the role as mom the moment I saw her beautiful face.  I had sent Luis off that morning to work telling him I was fine just a bit uncomfortable because of the weather and I wasn’t due for another 9 days.  Well 15 minutes after he left the contractions kicked in and there was no way to reach him since he was on the subway.  My brother was staying with us so I woke him up told him, ” let’s go I’m in labor”.  He jumped out of bed and off we went to the hospital.  By the time I had arrived to the hospital and given birth Luis had just arrived to work.  My brother ran out the room once he kissed his niece and told her he loved her to call Luis.  When he arrived to the hospital he came running into the room, kissed my forehead and was off to see our daughter in the nursery.  I was in more pain post delivery than when I was in labor.  We didn’t know what we were having, we wanted to look forward to our blessing with faith that the baby would just be perfect.  We didn’t care either way just a healthy baby.  It was one of the best days of my life, she was due on my birthday but she decided that she wanted to be here to sing or should I say coo, “happy birthday” to her mommy.  I remember looking at him adoringly as he held her with such care and kissing her fingers and toes over and over again.

The moments that will always bring a happy tear to your eye and in my heart I knew Luis was the one who sent me that sweet man to wish me happy birthday as gently as he would.  He was a great man and loved me in a way I had never known, I miss my best friend dearly but I know he watches over me with his daughter by his side in heaven.  So I embrace the twists and turns my forties will bring me and know that this ride will only get better with time.  Smile because those are the little things in life which brings beauty to another.