Tag Archives: life

Jul30

Longing for my friend

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Longing for my friend

I remember the gentle touch of your hands holding my face as you looked deeply into my eyes.  Your eyes always so warm and nurturing, they felt like home even when I didn’t understand that feeling.  They were a safe place, no harm would be brought to me in your loving eyes.  You had a way of whispering the sweetest words of love and encouragement but I was so wounded to appreciate or accept them.  I couldn’t see nor understand what you saw in me, I wouldn’t see it until years later after we had moved on in our lives but yet always in arms reach of the other.  I couldn’t bring myself to look in the mirror through your eyes and see the woman who had found a place in your heart, she was was broken and fragile and you knew it.  Yet you remained by my side for as long as you could, as my friend, as my family, but most of all as my mirror.

I remember the way you would play with my hair until I fell asleep next to you, my breath being the lullaby that rocked you to sleep every night.  You always waited for me to fall asleep first so you could watch me for a bit, those were my most vulnerable moments, all my guards were down and I knew I was safe with you by my side.  You would tell me I looked like an warrior goddess that finally was able to rest.

I remember your way of being fully present at the exact moments I needed it the most, it was one of the qualities I will never forget.  I was always protected and loved by you but never held back from all I wanted, from my purpose, or from my practices.  You never stopped me from my hearts desires but pushed me to reach for all I aspired to do.  You understood who I am and why I am here before I even knew.

I remember the last time you held me and told me I was the reason you keep pushing forward even in our separate lives, you were hurting physically, your illness taking over but your heart staying in control.  You let me see into your eyes in ways you let no other.  I saw the pain and exhaustion you let no other know of.  You were the one they all turned to and this time around I was your rock, your strength, your safe arms to fall into.  You told me so many details you spared all the others from especially your daughter.  She is too young to have to deal with those details, watching her father hurt and become weak were more than any little girl should endure.  You did your best at staying strong for the rest of them and regularly reminded me that it was a lesson learned from me many years ago.  Who would have known that my survival skills and stubbornness would help you in these times.  I wish you didn’t have to go through such difficult times, wasn’t our experience together enough, wasn’t that lose enough for both of us in this lifetime.  Yet you didn’t complain about the illness but just the dark side of the less of your ability to be a dad to your daughter, to be the rescuing big brother, the adoring partner and helpful son.

I remember every day that I am one of the luckiest woman because I was loved in a way you read in fairy tales.  I had the blessing of feeling completely safe even in our darkest times because you wouldn’t let me down.  You always tried your best and I thank you for that.

I will always remember I am blessed to have known you.  I will always remember that I am blessed to have had a mirror in my life that held me safe even in my darkest hours.  I will always remember that we were one of the best things that happened in my life.

I long for your embrace once again.  I love you my friend.

Jul23

No More No’s

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No More No’s

She stopped worrying what others might say
She stopped needing answers
She stopped looking for a way to please
She stopped contemplating and took the deepest, sweetest breath & let it all go

She screamed that breath right out of her, the breath that ripped its way right out of her hunched & bound body
She screamed the pain, the anger & frustration right out into the universe
Her scream so boisterous the birds sang to the deafening sound that released itself from deep inside her core
Her scream so profound she was weakened & crumbled to her knees

She cried, she kicked, she stomped, she whispered, “Enough”, as she looked lovingly at the woman in the mirror
She cried & she cried some more as the weight lifted, it fell, it struggled &  it dissipated into nothingness

She saw the wounded woman open her eyes as she walked out of her cage
The shackles & chains falling to the ground with a loud and echoing bang
She remembered those beautiful eyes that had been blindfolded by so much hurt, neglect, pain, torture, & rejection
She smiled & her eyes started to shine, to sparkle, to shimmer the way they used to
The veil of life’s past was finally being removed

The softest whisper was heard on the ruffling leaves as the breeze caressed them
The whisper with words of love and familiarity
The whisper that was her song, oh what a sweet sound it was
The whisper that made her heart race faster than it had in decades
The whisper that had her moving those voluptuous Latina hips, moving to her own beat, her heart beating as her drum & her feet leading each step
Her body swaying so seductively mesmerizing, it was pure untainted ecstasy & passion flooding her veins
The whisper that helped her let go and let her Be in this very moment
Her body finding its darkest corners & illuminated them with her sparkle

Her voice, the sweetest sound to vibrate throughout her home
Her song dancing off her lips as if it had never been forgotten
Her voice seductive and sultry to the ears of a man
Her voice strong, confident, & nurturing to the ears of children
Her voice the soothing sound of an Awakened Goddess

She shouted for the world to hear, “This beautiful Goddess has arrived!”

Jul22

Your Queen

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Your Queen 
You long for the woman you have created in your fantasies. 
You long for the smell of her flesh upon yours. 
You long for the moment where you no longer need to 
be the lone king of your empire. 
You long for her to take her seat along side you as your Queen.

She is a simple woman with a love to stop an army. 
She is a simple woman whom has captivated your thoughts 
over and over. 
She is a simple woman who is not impressed by the glitz and glamour  
of your life nor lusts for it. 
She is the simple woman who has seen your truth and it cripples you.

You run away from the only woman who makes you shake.
You run away from the woman whom will provide you the life you state you desire. 
You run away from a simplicity that she will bring to your life. 
You run away from the one woman that has you walking in circles, 
never showing when you insist you will, 
never being able to stand in front of her without crumbling to your knees. 

She is the woman whom controls your heart strings.
She is the woman whom makes you quiver with lust, with love, with safety, 
with power, with an urgency to protect her.
She is the woman unimpressed by your successes, your power and your empire.  
She is the woman who remains the mystery you are fearful of solving 
and acknowledging out loud. 
She is the woman you want to make your queen and it scares you to the core, 
rattles you in ways not even the strongest soldiers have been able to conquer. 

Your empire craves for her to claim her crown. 
Your empire needs a queen to take the reigns as you fight to conquer. 
Your empire is not her concern. 
Your empire is just that, yours. 

She is not yours and it drives you mad as it has driven so many others. 
She belongs to no one nor will she ever. 
She is the force that cannot be reckoned with, even in her silence 
she makes cities crumble. 
She will always cripple the men that long for her as you do, her power will 
consume your very core. 
She will always be the Queen for your empire but she will never 
choose you for you have proven repeatedly you are not ready for her. 

You will remain weakened, crippled and defenseless against her, 
you will always be captivated by her essence without even a touch. 
She will always be your Queen.
Jul15

No expectations

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No expectations

I cannot love with restrictions nor expectations. I give you my love with wings and if you choose to fly my love, I will see you off with all the blessings in my heart, and if we may cross paths again I want to curl up in your arms and listen excitingly to all your adventures as the words dance off your tongue.

I cannot love with blinders nor restraints.  I give you my love with fluidity and grace so you may travel down the rivers and oceans and like the tides your heart will come back in to hear my song.  On those days that you need to be held and loved you will hear me whisper to you ever so softly on the gentlest breeze that will hold you in its rapture and remind you of my embrace.

I cannot love with hatred nor bitterness.  I give you my love in its entirety and you will feel it fill you in ways only you know yourself to be able to do. I give you my love because I know I will not be empty when you are full my love, I will be filled again by my own love for self.  I give you this love because I know you need the warm to fill you, the nourishment you need to continue, the security that love exists even from places you have turned your back on.

I cannot love with regrets nor uncertainty.  I give you my love so you may give it to another, I want to know that I was able to aide in the continuation of love that is needed in this cold, dark, chaotic world.  I give you my love because I can and I do not want anything in return.

You see my love, I love you more than words can express and I wish upon the stars that you will be able to love in this way too.

Oct3

Feeling a certain kind of way…

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SMILE!!!

Today I can say I’m feeling like, “Lizzie Got her Groove Back!”  It feels absolutely delicious.  It has been a while since I felt my sultry self stand tall and present first thing in the morning.  It is definitely an invigorating feeling to have all of your loveliness just shout from every each of your being and tell the world, “The Goddess has awoken and she is out to play.”  No, I am not being conceited but I am definitely feeling flirtatious, adventurous and playful.  There is nothing wrong with loving yourself and feeling confident in who you are, or how far you have come and or to love the person you see in the mirror.  To have the ability to look in the mirror and truthfully embrace all that you are, every flaw, every wrinkle, every gray hair, every laugh line and every other imperfection and know that you are bewitching.  There is something extremely alluring about someone who is confident, loves themselves for who they truly are in all of their essence.  Yes to me that is positively the most magnetic person that one can be.  When we embrace all of ourselves for our truth and walk in that truth it makes you feel complete and at home.

After many years of living in my own black hole I reached a point I knew it was time to heal and let all this “old stuff” go.  I had gotten in my own way and I needed to know what it is to be alive.  I started out on the journey of self and let me say it became grotesque at the sight of all that was surfacing.  It felt like I was creating this towering wall of everything I had never dealt with and it was frightening, intimidating and overwhelming.  When one has to bring up all that muck made up of old pain, anger, hurt, rejection and the memories of events that brought you to those emotions it becomes one of the hardest things to go through.  I had many days I just wanted to retreat and say, “Screw it all, it’s easier to stay in my black hole” but I knew that I couldn’t live in that abyss anymore.  It wasn’t safe, warm or comfortable and that wasn’t how anyone should live not that I can call it living but I was still breathing.  I remember the first women’s retreat I went on, it was a weekend event and I was terrified.  Even buying the tickets were a challenge but the universe will test you to see if you are truly ready for your next step.  I didn’t want to feel judged, alone or frowned upon but most of all I didn’t want anyone to see  me “naked” and the inner turmoil I was living in.  I wasn’t ready to be vulnerable or to look at myself in the mirror.  I knew I had to be strong and put on my game face or so I thought.  Well that went to shit in a hand basket within 30 minutes of being in that sacred space.  One of my dearest and oldest friends was sitting right across from me, she gave me her a loving smile and her wink and the tears started streaming down my face. I had never been in such an environment with so many beautiful women from all walks a life.  When you are so broken and tired of being so called strong everyone comes across as being what you strive to be and for me that was being able to be present in my life.  I felt like a scared little girl just needing her mothers arms to keep her safe but that was not going to happen but I was definitely held by a room filled with women who also needed the love and support I was craving.  It is amazing how easy it is to hold another but so fearful to hold yourself, or so I believed at that point.  It was one of the hardest things I had pushed myself to do.  This choice was all about me and I hadn’t done a healthy thing for myself in numerous years, who knew that was going to be one of the greatest and most loving decisions I would make for myself.  I cried so many tears that weekend and committed myself to myself in front of 30 other women.  If you want to talk pressure that is the way to do it, we were all going to hold the other accountable for standing by their word to self.  It was one of the most liberating moments of my life all at the same time.  Those words that poured out of me started out with a meek trembling voice and soon were full-mouthed and commanding.  I was releasing what no longer served me and I was going to stand by that.  Enough was enough!!!  I remember turning around  from the alter where I placed my white candle and offered my words.  As I looked up to find my way back to my seat and tears were running down my face I was embraced by true love radiating from women who did not know me but felt me and supported me.  It felt as if I was in my mothers arms being held securely and that was the moment I knew this wasn’t going to get easier but I wasn’t alone so I couldn’t stop now.  I was safe.  It was the start of the rest of my life I just hadn’t known it yet.  Who would have thought that years later I could look back and want to shout my story out to the world?  Who would have thought I needed to be naked and love every moment of it?

Here is to living naked!!!

Smile, and share the sunshine!! 🙂

Oct2

So far so good…

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Happy Thursday!!

 

This whole dating thing can be a bit overwhelming and discouraging at times but I have actually met someone who has been fun and considerate thus far, I will stay optimistic.  I knew there were still good men out there because there a good women who will appreciate them as much as they will her.  I hear ladies speak of how there are no good men, that for sure is not the truth.  There are the good ones and then there are the “other” ones.  We have all had our ups and downs in relationships and some of us come out more scarred than others or we bring along the remnants of an old relationship into a new one(we need to leave all that crap behind), and sometimes we are distressed and empty so, we do not allow ourselves to heal before we end up in another relationship.  There are numerous other reasons why someone continues to hold onto the past hurt, anger and other emotions which causes only for ourselves to suffer longer and hurt others whether intentional or not.  I know personally I experienced an emotional roller coaster at the end of my last relationship, I loved him dearly and it broke my heart when it came to an end.  I am grateful for taking time for me to grieve, to heal and to love me again for who I have become, even though some felt it was too long.  Some felt I just needed to sleep with someone or someones and that would help but I knew in my heart that was not the case.  I didn’t want to deal with someone else’s energies or nonsense when I knew my stuff was in disarray and needed some good old fashion TLC.  After my marriage had fallen apart and I realized that my once husband was my best friend and would only ever be that.  I went and I did my thing and enjoyed the single life in a very carefree way.  I partied, I dated and all the other good stuff in between.  I knew at this stage of my life that was not the way for me to go again.  The idea of someone heavy breathing on me, sweat dripping off of them and then the possibility of a cuddle after made me queasy.  All I wanted was to be with myself and my stuff.

So back to this guy who has been adding a pep to my step these last few days.  It’s been refreshing and I feel like a schoolgirl with a new cute guy in school.  The playfulness that comes with someone who you do not mind around is a huge deal especially as we get older.  I have no time or energy to waste on people or things that drag me down and/or want to hold me back.   The rush of a new adventure with someone who can make you laugh and smile just with the smallest of gestures or being able to respond to my wit so quickly.  It makes it fun conversation and plenty of belly laughs.  I’m not saying this guy is the “one” but it is nice to have some fun with someone who lets you be yourself with no pressure and vice versa.  It also is great when someone looks at you with a flirtatious smile and says sweet nothings not like the fool who passed me a condom across the table like a drug deal and then would not  understand why I said, “No Thanks”.  We had only just met and were half way through our drink when he did his “smooth” move.  Of course as he did it all I could say was, “What are you doing passing me a bag of weed or something?”  This guy was a 47 year old teacher with a way with words but in person failed tremendously.  Even if I was a prostitute that move wouldn’t have been appropriate. Some people are just delusional.

I will continue to get to know my new friend and we will see where this will lead and if nothing else I was able to meet a nice guy who appreciated a good laugh and some fun times.

So as always my friends lets give our golden smile away and spread the sunshine!! 🙂

 

 

 

 

Sep30

Fabulously 40!

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HI!!

So turning 40 has been thus far the best birthday I have had in many years.  I have never been one to make a fuss over my birthday and I get embarrassed when people fuss over me.  This year I put an end to that, I embraced the love I received from friends that have become family.  I also realized that with this change of attitude towards my birthday when someone didn’t show up they were not meant to be there.  Life has a way of having the ones that need to be present to arrive with open arms and I received them with such gratitude & love.  It started with having a first date with the sweetest guy on my birthday eve and he made sure he was the first to wish me happy birthday in person, he is a great kisser.  I haven’t had someone just hold me in their arms and wish me happy birthday since I was married in my 20’s.  I hadn’t realized how much I had missed that 1st birthday kiss and hug.

When I reflected on that moment later that morning, I remembered how my ex-husband Luis would always wake me at midnight on my birthday and give me the biggest kiss and hold me in his arms until I feel asleep again.  He was a loving and tender man and dealt with my stubbornness like a champ.  He would always call me his PIA(pain in the ass) than laugh it off and say he wouldn’t have it any other way.  We started out life together young and grew up very quickly together, he was 18 and I was 19.  When our daughter was born I thought to myself, “how did we end up here so quickly” but I fell into the role as mom the moment I saw her beautiful face.  I had sent Luis off that morning to work telling him I was fine just a bit uncomfortable because of the weather and I wasn’t due for another 9 days.  Well 15 minutes after he left the contractions kicked in and there was no way to reach him since he was on the subway.  My brother was staying with us so I woke him up told him, ” let’s go I’m in labor”.  He jumped out of bed and off we went to the hospital.  By the time I had arrived to the hospital and given birth Luis had just arrived to work.  My brother ran out the room once he kissed his niece and told her he loved her to call Luis.  When he arrived to the hospital he came running into the room, kissed my forehead and was off to see our daughter in the nursery.  I was in more pain post delivery than when I was in labor.  We didn’t know what we were having, we wanted to look forward to our blessing with faith that the baby would just be perfect.  We didn’t care either way just a healthy baby.  It was one of the best days of my life, she was due on my birthday but she decided that she wanted to be here to sing or should I say coo, “happy birthday” to her mommy.  I remember looking at him adoringly as he held her with such care and kissing her fingers and toes over and over again.

The moments that will always bring a happy tear to your eye and in my heart I knew Luis was the one who sent me that sweet man to wish me happy birthday as gently as he would.  He was a great man and loved me in a way I had never known, I miss my best friend dearly but I know he watches over me with his daughter by his side in heaven.  So I embrace the twists and turns my forties will bring me and know that this ride will only get better with time.  Smile because those are the little things in life which brings beauty to another.

 

Sep25

Last day of my 30’s

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Happy Day!!

I am actually very excited to be 4o tomorrow.  It has been a roller coaster of emotions that last 30 days, on each day I made it a point to reflect on the last 39 years.  Life hasn’t always been filled with pleasant points, many parts of it was filled with trauma, loss, pain and loneliness but I wouldn’t change any of it.  I have been blessed with so much goodness and love even at the darkest of moments and I am exceptionally grateful for every last second of it.  I have lost so many wonderful people and many under the age of 40, so this birthday is truly a milestone for me.  I didn’t think I would make it this far, there were times I thought of suicide, even attempted it but the universe wasn’t not having that in any way.  The world still needed me to do more work here and I accepted that challenge.

The day I attempted suicide was while living in Texas and life was definitely not what I had envisioned for myself at that point of my life.  Clearly I was not in a place where I was emotionally, spiritually and mentally healthy.  I was living in a big, dark, scary and lonely place which was my own doing, which was my own self.  The last 13 years where crashing in on me and it was frightening.  I had not attempted to look inward and accept I needed to heal, to purge or feel any emotion.  I was numb and I thought it was a safe place.  I remember driving on the highway and feeling like life was choking me.  It was as if I couldn’t breath and I had been overcome with darkness.  I needed to just end this tornado that was in my head and heart.  I remember flooring the gas pedal and watching the speedometer as that wall was coming closer and closer.  I couldn’t get there fast enough.  I was doing 93mph and couldn’t have been more than 50 feet away from the way, than 40 feet than 30 feet than 20 feet and about 5 feet from the wall the car stopped.  It just stopped, shut off and stopped moving all in that split second.  WTF how can the car just stop, I was doing almost a hundred miles an hour.  How is it even possible?  I have no idea but in that moment all I could do was cry, scream, wail, and say “What the F&%K!!!???” over and over again.  It wasn’t possible that this was happening, there is no way a car just stops at that speed.  I was now angry at myself, I did I completely screw this up.  I sat in the car for at least an hour before I attempted to turn it back on and it wouldn’t.  I called my sister-in-law and told her the car had stalled and I need a jump.  She came right over with her friend and gave it a boost and we were on our way back home.  I never told her what happened or what I was attempting to do but if that wasn’t a sign then I don’t know what to tell you.  Those were definitely my angels saying that they were protecting me even from myself.  I spent the rest of that day just going through the motions but most of all I prayed and asked for forgiveness and guidance.  I’m so grateful it wasn’t my time to go that day.

So with that said I say, “Thank you universe for giving me another chance at this crazy roller coaster ride I call life and an upcoming 40th birthday!”

Smile and walk in gratitude today!! I know I will. 🙂

 

 

Sep23

Feed me!

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So today marks one year that I stopped smoking.  I think back to this day and how I had a life scare.  I had taken antibiotics for a horrible sinus infection and went into anaphylactic shock shortly after taking them.  I truly felt like I was going to die.  I’m not even sure where I had the strength to even make it across the apartment to get to my phone mind you call 911.  I was losing control of all my bodily functions, in and out of consciousness and my body felt like it was contouring in ways that felt foreign.  The worst & funny part was I was in just a tank top and panties, that I literally pissed in when I passed out, and the hottest EMT walks in my apartment to save me.  Now some might not think that was a bad situation but when you are barely conscious, pissed on and looking all out of whack that is so not cool.  I had to just laugh at myself because in total there were 3 beautiful men(I had not had a man over in a long while before this incident, that is not the way I wanted a handsome man to show up at my door) and 1 beautiful lady taking care of my hot mess self.  No one ever wants to be in a situation like that.  I have worked in the medical field for many years, I so know the stories that are created from moments like that experience.  My vitals were not good at all and they had to put me on oxygen right away and put a heart monitor on because my heart rate had dropped to 38bpm, that is way to low for an average adult in their 30’s.  They put in an IV line, started pushing fluids and rushed me over to Albert Einstein Medical Center.  So after being poked and probed at the hospital for 14 hours and had the staff laughing I was finally released with a clean bill of health.  I know that I didn’t end up in the hospital because of smoking but I just felt it was a habit I needed to let go of, I never want to have to call 911 again especially for a health scare.  I sat there contemplating the things that could have gone wrong and what if I had had a heart attack or stroke.  It felt right to let the habit go and it was easier than I thought it would have been but I do contribute that to literally fearing for my life.  I can say I am at the point that cigarette smoke bothers me and the smell makes me queasy.  It has been one of the best things I have done.  The only down fall was I did gain some weight after I let go of that habit.  Which did not make me happy at all but I will take the good with the bad because now this weight will also be left at the side of the road.

On that note, today as I was having my lunch and it was the hardest thing to get down (I don’t think I could ever be vegan).  All I’m craving is a juicy burger with crumbled bleu cheese, sautéed onions and mushrooms.  I do have my “cheap day” but today my body is craving some naughty food.  The day has been a good one so I know the craving is not me having an emotional food craving(those can be the worst) just my body talking to me and its need for certain vitamins and nutrients.  The dinner plan with have to be switched up but I am proud of myself for not diverting from my meal plan and honoring myself and this process.  I will let you know how that goes.  I’m sure it will be playtime in the kitchen, one of my favorite things to do.

So please don’t forget to smile and to be grateful for another day!

Sep22

Adjusting to the change

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Adjusting to the change

Good morning SUNSHINE!!

This weekend was fantastic but did include a few bummer moments within myself.  I was able to spend time with some very dear friends this weekend and just let loose, we laughed until we were sober, we had ah-hah moments, we learned so much of ourselves as women and it all felt like we were back in our teenage years in high school being carefree and truly living in the moments.  On Saturday the ladies and I spent hours filled with laugher while playing Bocce ball, sipping wine from Styrofoam coffee cups, don’t judge they had lids.  LOL  We took silly pictures like giggly teenage girls and couldn’t stop laughing at ourselves and the shenanigans that were going on.  We danced around like innocent young girls running in a field with no cares in the world.  It was so great to hear ourselves after many year have passed how we remembered the words of songs we danced to years ago and the hysterical stories that are attached to these songs.  We may have cried then but when you have the pleasure of reaching an age where you can just laugh at yourself and its simplicity, it truly is priceless. Then we started viewing the pictures and I was not happy with what I saw.  I have been working hard at shedding this weight and I felt I looked bigger now than I did before I committed to becoming healthy and that was a complete bummer.  I know the number on the scale has gone down and I know I have lost inches around different areas of my body but what I saw was completely different.  I know it is a process and the mental aspect of any change in life takes time and understanding.  What we would like to see isn’t always the process your body will reveal when you want it but I just couldn’t get past looking like I was pregnant in some photos or just a bit wider than 3 months ago before I started this change.  Yes, I realize it is soon to expect much of a change but I sure didn’t want to look bigger.  I didn’t let that ruin the day but I can say I wasn’t happy with the results and I was even more cautious of what I was eating and of what I was drinking.  My dear friend noticed I wasn’t happy with the pictures where my belly seemed bigger to me even though she reassured me I looked great and she could see the difference.  This is a struggle I know will take time to resolve.

On Sunday, I went to the Grounds for Sculpture in New Jersey.  It was absolutely breath taking and if you love to be in nature with secret garden passage ways complimented by beautiful sculptures this is a great place to go.  My inner photographer was in her glory and gaining another day in nature, before the cool of fall sets, with friends who have become family is a plus.  The artistry and the perplex minds that create these wonders are extraordinary.  My favorite part was finding this hidden walkways that would twist and turn to reveal sculptures that would just intrigue you and keep you wanting more.  It almost felt nostalgic at some points.  I couldn’t get enough pictures of all the wonder that kept revealing itself.  Some of the true artistry was nature’s own work.  I would not call myself a photographer but a lover of beauty in its truest and rarest forms.  I once again was unhappy with photos that others were taking of me and the way my body seemed to defy the work that I have put into her the last few months.  I cannot get past how my belly looks so much bigger than before and trust me when I say there is no way I could be pregnant.  The visual struggle seems to be the biggest struggle of it all.  The learning to have a healthy relationship with food and selecting healthier foods without feeling deprived even when I am out and want all those naughty fried or sugary foods is easier to transition away from.  The hardest part of this whole lifestyle change is the reflection in the mirror, not liking what I see but knowing the results I expect take time and my body is going through just as many  physical changes as I am mentally.

Do I love myself enough to not let this be a set back? Absolutely and I know these are the biggest challenges.  I know this is cliché but here it goes anyway, “Anything in life worth having is worth working for.” My health is definitely worth working towards and it will remain on the top of my list of what is important in my life.  I started my journey towards mental and spiritual health 3 years ago and I have finally incorporated my physical health, I can say thus far this has been one of the most liberating ventures I have ever gone on in my life.  So I chose to make it another day closer to being my healthiest self, mentally, spiritually and physically.  Of course I will have days that I want to throw in the towel but those seem to be less frequent than ever before.

So smile today because you are someone’s sunshine even if you don’t know them.  🙂