Tag Archives: excess body weight

Sep16

Body Image

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So as I continue to work on this extra baggage called my ‘fluffiness” I am coming across interesting interpretations of my weight by men.  I know not all men view me in this light but I have found that recently this has been coming up more frequently so I’m just sorting through it.  It’s hard enough going through the psychological part of losing weight, the perplexity of your body changing and embracing the changes(even though some of them are not cool right now) and the desire to dip into those old habits because it’s what I know.

So back to these insults wrapped in make shift compliments.  I am single and dating(dating can be overrated at times) so this is where I am getting this from.  I met what I thought was a nice guy, the conversation would flow easily and plenty of laughs, I have a soft spot for a funny guy.  We exchange pictures and all is well until he has time to dissect the full body image I had sent. (Please keep in mind I have never denied I am a full-figured woman)

I get a text back from him and it goes like this; “are you pregnant?”  “did you lose weight?” “umm I’m not sure”.  My reply; “No I am not pregnant and yes I did lose some weight.  if you are not interested anymore from the pic that is fine with me.  Be well”  He replies, “I’m really into fitness.  You need to do something about your tummy, you would be really pretty if you did something about it, insurance will pay for it but good for you for losing weight.”

So, I can either completely have a crazy lady moment and go off on him and which end up in a total funk and want to cry and eat until I am sick or do as I did.  I didn’t reply to that insult, I laughed it off and was grateful for the sanity that I could keep in this moment.  There was no need for him to insult me and ignorance like that seems to be more common amongst the ones who continue to base everything on superficial, photo shopped ideas of beauty.  As I continue my journey of becoming the healthiest I have ever been I have noticed there are stages that we go through and our body goes through and at some points they do not match.  I know yes my body is not perfect and I will always be a work in progress and who am I to judge another’s body when their struggle is just that, theirs.

 

So for now I see this as a step for me and a loss for ignorance.  Now onto making this body a healthier one.

 

 

Sep10

Cleaning

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So as I approach my 4oth birthday I feel the need to clean out the stagnant in my life.  Whether it be people, things, excess body weight and my “old & dusty” ways of approaching life.  This agonizing feeling of dead and useless weight needs to be shed and forgotten.  This cleaning point has come with a harsh reality of life.  I keep looking around and I find so much that makes me and happy and know I need to work  from the inside to change what I can on the outside.  I love my friends but with all the shedding, analyzing and healing I have gone through in the last 3 years I find some people just do not serve me in a healthy way or in any way but negative.  Toxicity and complacency has seem to be the norm on how some of them affect my life and my energy or they relationship has changed so much that we no longer have anything to talk about or relate to.  Have you ever had that friend that would speak to you and when they ask a question about what they have just spoken to you about, you realize that they have had a whole conversation and you did not hear a word.  What do you do about these kind of relationships?  How do you even explain to yourself why you still have this person hanging around? How do you end this relationship that no longer serves you without offending the individual?  Now, having asked myself these important questions and searching for answers that bring me a lightened heart I continue on this journey of the next stage of the rest of my life.

I have found cleaning out the material things that need to find a new home and reorganizing has helped me focus more on the other aspects of my life and the new I need in my life and the new I want in my life.  As the decluttering continues I become more alive with each moment.  I have found that my spirit dances as my environment is finding its new order.  I am guilty of my own level of OCD’s but most of us do to some degree but with these shifts happening even more I see myself letting go of so many material items as I have gained a sense of inner peace and enlightenment.  So on to the cleaning out the closets, ridding the external weight of my environment but they best part of this whole journey has been shedding the pain, hurt, disappointment and emotions I held on to for far to long.  The beauty is now addressing this extra fluffy body and loving it into a healthy place.

I’ll keep you posted.