Category Archives: Soulmates

Your Queen

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Your Queen
You long for the woman you have created in your fantasies. 
You long for the smell of her flesh upon yours. 
You long for the moment where you no longer need to 
be the lone king of your empire. 
You long for her to take her seat along side you as your Queen.

She is a simple woman with a love to stop an army. 
She is a simple woman whom has captivated your thoughts 
over and over. 
She is a simple woman who is not impressed by the glitz and glamour  
of your life nor lusts for it. 
She is the simple woman who has seen your truth and it cripples you.

You run away from the only woman who makes you shake.
You run away from the woman whom will provide you the life you state you desire. 
You run away from a simplicity that she will bring to your life. 
You run away from the one woman that has you walking in circles, 
never showing when you insist you will, 
never being able to stand in front of her without crumbling to your knees. 

She is the woman whom controls your heart strings.
She is the woman whom makes you quiver with lust, with love, with safety, 
with power, with an urgency to protect her.
She is the woman unimpressed by your successes, your power and your empire.  
She is the woman who remains the mystery you are fearful of solving 
and acknowledging out loud. 
She is the woman you want to make your queen and it scares you to the core, 
rattles you in ways not even the strongest soldiers have been able to conquer. 

Your empire craves for her to claim her crown. 
Your empire needs a queen to take the reigns as you fight to conquer. 
Your empire is not her concern. 
Your empire is just that, yours. 

She is not yours and it drives you mad as it has driven so many others. 
She belongs to no one nor will she ever. 
She is the force that cannot be reckoned with, even in her silence 
she makes cities crumble. 
She will always cripple the men that long for her as you do, her power will 
consume your very core. 
She will always be the Queen for your empire but she will never 
choose you for you have proven repeatedly you are not ready for her. 

You will remain weakened, crippled and defenseless against her, 
you will always be captivated by her essence without even a touch. 
She will always be your Queen.


Always in my heart…

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Always in my heart…

My love in heaven,

It’s been 2 years that you’re gone now and I feel as if it was just the other day that I got the call from your little sister and brother.  I miss my soulmate, best friend, life partner and confidant.  As I reflect on the parts of your life I was so blessed to be a part of and the family we had together, I couldn’t help but sit here and want to believe there is a purpose behind this all coming to a close so early on in our lives. I spent your anniversary day without the distractions of the modern world, I just couldn’t be bothered with the nuisances of the phone, computer or TV.  I didn’t want to hear about people enjoying their day or laughing I just needed to be in quiet and at peace in my heart remembering the life we had with our daughter.  I listened to some old songs that you liked so much and I had to laugh because I could clearly see you doing your silly dance moves.   I could picture you so clearly, as if you were in my living room with me.  Your laugh echoed in my ears as I envisioned your smile and wished to hear you just one more time.  I know you are in a better place with our daughter and neither one of you are in pain anymore which makes it easier for me to deal with the day-to-day chaos of this world.   You see my beloved, you were the only man who has known me for me, behind the smile, behind the day-to-day masks, behind my OCD’s and all the silliness I use to help make each day a bit brighter and easier.  You were the one who would call me on my shit and even though it would tick me off I knew it was coming from a place of true love.  You did always enjoy calling me your, “Pain in the ass”, than laugh until I broke into a smile.  You left so soon, so young, so loved by many but most of all you left because you couldn’t live in that pain anymore and our angel guided you home.  I still remember our conversations about us getting old together and our partners having to deal with us being the best of friends until our dying day.  Well it seems they will not have to worry about that but you will always have a place in my heart and no one can ever change that.  You have marked your space there along side our daughter.

So I say, “Thank you for loving me, Thank you for being my soulmate, Thank you for being a wonderful father to our daughter but most of all Thank you for seeing me for me.”  I will always love you!  Kisses to you in heaven!

I melted..

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I melted..

I melted

From the moment you smiled at me

I melted.

I knew this was different

Not sure for how long

But different

Once I felt you

No, not you physically

Once I felt your energy near me

Caressing me

I melted

Your kiss

Oh baby your kiss

It brought me home

It was the lips I’ve kissed

I’ve kissed you a thousand times

You pulled me in

Right into your arms

It felt like home

I melted

Oh baby but this was

It will always be

The first moment our lips met

I melted

I never knew I was so hungry

Starving for your kiss

Your lips

Devoured me completely

You pulled me in

We danced with our tongues

I learned how to tango that day

A dance I’ve never tried

Your tongue guiding me with each effortless movement

I melted

My mind spins

It climbs up so high

Then leaps to a spiraling dive

Dance with my breath

Dance with my tongue

I melted

For you

For me

I melted

Miss you

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Miss you

I miss you, I miss your face, I miss the way you looked at me with adoring eyes

I miss the way you caused me to have butterflies in my belly every time you were close

I miss the way you would caress my cheek so gently before you kissed me

I miss the way it felt to be in your arms

I miss the way you held my breast when you drove

Do you miss me because I miss you

I miss us

I miss the laughs

I miss the hugs

I miss the way my body ached for you

I miss the way we wanted to be but only had stolen moments

I miss listening to your heartbeat after making love

I miss your eyes, the way they used to look at me

Could you ever look at me again that way?

Could you ever miss me the way I miss you?

Could you love me the way I loved you?

I miss hearing your voice

I miss being the one you thought of every morning and every night

I miss you more than you will ever know

I miss you!

 

 She yearns for more

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 She yearns for more

Her body trembled from the thoughts of his energy flooding her space, his smile melting her heart & his lips lightly grazing against the nape of her neck. She wanted to touch him, to say his name, oh how she ached for him. Her body screams in silence. His eyes are fierce, intrusive but oh so safe. The fever that overcomes each time she thinks of him drives her to the edge of ecstasy. He will never know how she slowly comes to her cliff that is him, the moment she could taste him in the air she jumps. His name in her heart, his taste on her tongue & his voice whispering to her heart. “No more please no more” she pleads but she means none of it. Her thirst cannot be quenched so easily. She needs more, she craves more, she aches for more. More of him, oh his sweet smell lingers all around her, she knows he is near but yet he is unattainable. He wants her but fears her. He has not craved the intensity she brings to his being. She doesn’t know he looks for excuses to stay away, she only knows that he holds back. He tries not to allow himself to crave her wild woman ways, oh her sex is his deepest desire, his deepest need, she smells of uncertainty, she smells unworldly but he ponders how that may be. How can a woman be all the things he needs & desires? How can she be real? What is wrong with her? If she only knew how she has become his enigma. If she only knew his hesitation is due to her eloquent, animalistic, nurturing, loving ways & her lack of sexual inhibitions. She pushes him just enough to keep him wondering but not enough to have him run away.  She is longing for him, needing his touch, desiring those piercing eyes that strip her of all she knows and leaves her naked and alive. The vulnerability that has come from this is exquisite blissful freedom. She is free. She is the wild woman she has suppressed for so long. “Go be free my precious” is the whisper she hears from the rapture of his breath. “Let go my love & I will not let you fall,” the whisper continues. Neither one has accepted that their souls are back home. They have been lost for so long, going from one lover to another. He showed up with a familiarity that brought her fear & comfort. Her world flipped in a way that she remains bewildered. She contemplated why wasn’t this like every other encounter. They do not know where this will end but she knows it will come to a peak that will change the game. He disappears so much that it is unnerving and confusing, what should she think? Are there others? Is there another life she should know about? He doesn’t know her at all, he never asks anything of her or about her. Is this all in her head or is there something here?

Confused Love

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Confused Love

I never planned on loving you, I never planned on knowing more than that brief moment we shared months ago.  You had no plan on loving me either and now this man I saw so strong and sure of himself is confused, retracted back in his shell trying to sort through the emotions he wanted to never feel again. Here this beautiful, fragile and loving man crouches in the corner, hoping that I do not see the love and fear in his eyes but you see my love all I want to do is hold you and let you know that you are safe.  I am not here to hurt you, judge you, point out your flaws because my love I am a perfectly imperfect woman with all kinds of scars that have so many stories to tell.  I want to hold you because I know that in our silence so much is being said, so many worries fall away, so many boundaries are broken but most of all it feels like home.  You have no idea how I was the one looking for the solid foundation to stand on when it came to my emotions for you.  You have no idea how I flip-flopped on a daily basis to walk away and leave you alone or stay and be around someone who knew how to make me feel safe with just his presence.  You stirred up so many emotions ranging from good, bad, old and new within me and I thank you for that.  You have allowed me to be completely vulnerable and open without judging me. I know I can be shut off at times but it’s a defense that I have created over time but you some how were able to chip away at those walls, you let me feel more comfortable in my feminine and always feeling beautiful and sexy at the same time but yet you weren’t willing to work on your own walls. You seem to struggle with the idea that I would see all your cracks and scarred pieces.  The funny thing about that is you let me into your soul so long ago and I saw all of those cracks and scarred pieces and when I saw them all I saw a beautiful soul with a guarded human housing him. I saw a soul that was familiar and he welcomed me in so far deep into his realm that it was hard to come back to self.  I was never afraid of those beautiful trips you would take me on, letting me gaze into those dark and lonely corners through your piercing eyes. Oh your eyes are erotically mesmerizing to me, so deep, so open and yet only wiling to let most see the shallow end of them.  I want to kiss each and every inch of your darkness with my lips filled with love and light, fill it with my warm breath and pour my light that overflows from my being to help you maneuver through your rivers.  I want you to know that I am not here to tell you how to do things, when to do them or where, I am here to love you and be the one to stand by your side, reminding you that you aren’t alone in this crazy world.  That what I ask for is the same that I will give and that is love. Love to reach all your spaces and cracks, love that will push your light right through those cracks and make you shine, help you blind the world with your light, show you that you are a beautiful man who deserves to be loved because you are flawed and you still have a beating heart that wants so much more than to just sustain you.  We may not be the “forever after” that is spoken about in fairy tales but we are definitely the ones to heal the other with our hearts, with are chatty silence, with our dancing souls that could burn a building down with its intensity.  So my words to you are, “I love you and I will never be sorry for that my beautiful scarred man. I thank you for showing me how beautiful I am through your eyes and showing me how to love again after being guarded for so long.”

xoxo

Happy Birthday Luis!

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Happy 39th Birthday in Heaven Luis!!

I still can’t believe that you are gone. Today is your 39th birthday and you are with our daughter in heaven dancing around, laughing, plotting on playing practical jokes on your favorite people down here on this chaotic planet. I know Madison is missing you like crazy especially on days like today. You were each others world when you were still with us and I pray for her every day. I know you watch over her and visit her often. I can’t imagine how hard it is for her without you. She became your little helper and would fight you tooth and nail when you didn’t listen. (Your girls are warriors) She is definitely your child just like Soli she was born to shine like a bright star in the sky. Will is an amazing dad and strong minded man. I know in my heart he wanted to be a great dad like you and he is doing an amazing job at it. Jackie is kicking ass as a mom and staying strong like a true Goddess. Dianna is doing her best and her girls are doing great, little Emma is just a ball of cuteness and love.

So I want to say, “Thank you for sending me your smile through another.” (I find him absolutely delicious ;-)) My heart stopped when I saw it and thought, “Damn you Luis, this was all you!” I swear I heard your laugh in that moment. I know it was you, Soli and mom who picked him out for me. So far he has been able to handle me and not go running in the opposite direction but then again I’m amazing why would he. HAHAHAHA We will see how far it goes but you all were determined to see me with a family and well I can say I do love his kids even though I haven’t met them yet. Thank you again for making sure that I wasn’t alone anymore even though I am a bit scared but not enough to run for the hills. I am trying my best and I hope to make you all proud.

P.S. I wish I could just see that smile again one more time or hear you call me your PIA. I am so grateful and honored that I was chosen to be your soul mate and that I was chosen to be the mother of one of your beautiful daughters.

Love to you on your birthday Luis!!

From your favorite PIA!!!