As the darkness nears & the end creeps just around the bend…

I walk towards your walkway, inching closer to your front door for the very last time, each step becoming harder than the last I know I must smile for you
You wait patiently at your doorway unaware of what is stirring in my soul & my heart becomes heavier with each passing moment
As I walk towards the final hello’s and welcome back’s I can feel my heart slowly shredding a part at the seams
You standing there, handsome & granting me the smile that melts my heart

You completely unaware of the growing fatigue that has overcome me as I have been waiting on you to decide if we are or we are not
As I walk towards you for the last time, towards the last moments of laying in your embrace, I hold my breath for a brief moment and smile as my heart tears inside

Your lack of a decision was a decision in itself my love
You chose to not speak on the topic presented & this is what you have chosen
Your silence has deafened me to the point of retreat & defeat
Your fear of not being perfect or right has left us untangled & drifting down two distant rivers, opposite directions
Your lack of direction has left us moving separately towards new horizons

My pleas of seeking the truth, your truth, our truth continue to be ignored
My questions repeatedly dismissed so you may remain guarded & in control but you have lost all control
My desire to be close, to get to know you & listen to your truth created an uneasiness within you
My need to see us through your eyes was crumbled & discarded by your barbed wires and sky-high walls

Lying here one last time hurts more than you may conceive, the aching in my heart is indescribable
The intimacy has shifted but you whisper you miss me with scared & wounded eyes
The fire between us is extinguishing & you have chosen for it to be
I have tried to hold on to it, to you, to us but you do not see the arms that have been open to you since the moment our eyes met
The arms that want to hold you, the arms that want to keep you near & keep you safe even from yourself
The only words that echo in my ears,  your very defeating words were, “I fuck up everything, no matter what I touch, I will fuck this up too. Babe I am no good for you but please don’t leave.  I am not ready for you to go but I am not ready for us to change.”

Oh my love, if you only understood none of us are perfect we are all flawed, scarred and broken but in all mess is when the most beautiful, loving and nurturing loves are born

For this love I hold for you, I wish for you to love yourself and give yourself the chance to live and be loved in the ways you deserve.

Can we stay? or do I go and leave you with a piece of me to keep you warm at night as you lick your wounds and learn to love yourself as I love you?