HAPPY 19TH  BIRTHDAY TO MY BEAUTIFUL ANGEL IN HEAVEN SOLI!

It has been 17 years since I was blessed to spend a birthday with you.  The circumstances weren’t ideal but I still had you with me.  I still remember that day as if it was just the other day.  You were on your first round of chemotherapy for Ewing Sarcoma and a bit cranky but excited because it was your birthday.

Your favorite RN Elena had brought you a big birthday breakfast and gifts.   She spoiled you so much but who didn’t.  You had charisma that no one could resist, of course this sounds bias because I’m your mom but I would love to just sit back and watch you just pull people in with your charm and amazing smile(I swear you were an old soul).  So back to your 2nd birthday so many years ago.  We were in “your room” 719 at Montefiore Medical Center in NYC and it was a beautiful morning much like today but warmer.  Elena had brought you scrambled eggs, chicken strips and French fries topped with plenty of ketchup(I know it wasn’t the ideal breakfast but I wasn’t going to argue since she wanted to eat.  The chemo was depleting her appetite more and more each day).  Your huge smile and infectious laugh when you saw her with your breakfast and gifts still rings in my ears today.  She laughed so hard when she heard you that Svetlana(Pediatric Day LPN) came running in to see what all the commotion was about.  Even she started to laugh when she realized what was going on.  She sang happy birthday to you along with the silly dance that she always did for you while she took your vitals and we laughed even more.  You opened up your gifts and gave Elena the biggest hug.  She held you so close and whispered that she wishes for you to have the best birthday ever.  It was the beginning of a birthday filled with laughs and plenty of birthday wishes for you.  I was so happy the day had started so well considering that it could turn at any point as the chemo kept pumping into your little body.  You had been responding well so far with no side effects but yet it was only day 3.  The phone calls starting coming in and you laughed at everyone who sang you happy birthday on the phone.  It was your day to be a birthday princess and you deserved it.  You were facing this challenge with a warriors stance and I didn’t know what else to do but be your rock and a loving mom.  When daddy called you streaked and laughed so hard that the ladies at the reception desk heard you and laughed. They all knew it was Sonia’s day.  The ladies were so wonderful with you at all times but made sure it was a special day for you.  Christine from the playroom stopped in and walked you over to the playroom to spend some time with 3 other children that were also receiving chemo and they all sang you happy birthday.  Who would have thought that such a stressful situation could still be such a wonderful birthday by 11 am.  I remember standing there with their moms and we all just knew how precious that moment was.  It is an understanding that only a parent who is going through the same pain understands.  No one wants to watch their child with an illness that can go either way and you have no control over the outcome.  Yes, we do our best to make the choices we need towards the best treatment and procedures but its heart wrenching  nonetheless.  When you just don’t know how much time you have with your child, will they go into remission, will they pass because of this horrible disease, how much will they suffer and through it all you can’t make it just go away.

Later that afternoon you had a full house of guests in a tiny hospital room.  In that small room you had at least 10 people in there at any given moment.  Then daddy showed up with your birthday cake and all the nurses and family sang happy birthday once again.  You smiled so much that day, the smile that would forever be etched in my mind.  You had more gifts than Toy R Us and put a smile on so many somber faces.  You always had a way of doing that.  You were ahead of your time my love.  May you dance in heaven with your daddy and laugh with your Grandmas.  I know they will all make sure its a grand event.  Until we meet again.

Happy Birthday my Angel!! You are the best thing that ever happened to me!  I am honored and grateful to be your mom!

Love you always!!